Now that I’ve had time to reflect, I realize that I felt like I’m living someone else’s life. I was leaning on my throwback survival tactic of denial. I knew we were moving to Singapore since May but I did little to educate myself on the city-country. I opted to spend my last months in the U.S. visiting family and friends in New York, Chicago and Los Angeles.
Eric sorted our belongings for storage, donation and sold stuff on Craigslist. He canceled cable, forwarded mail and scheduled the movers. The man juggled all of the details and logistics during his final weeks working in the New York office while I vacationed with my family in Michigan.
My husband ensured we started our new life with as much ease as possible. He chose our corporate housing, set up an international bank account and ported our mobile numbers to Google Voice so we can still make calls and get voicemails. He gave me the gift of time with my loved ones and shouldered the responsibility of planning our move to Singapore.
How can I express my gratitude to Eric? How do I repay his resourcefulness, patience and dedication to us? I need to claim my life here in Singapore. Eric told me one of his fears about living here was that he’d go to work and that I’d stay home all day, lonely, bitter and resenting him.
I’ve been paralyzed by fear before. To be honest, seven days ago I was jetlagged, emotionally numb and afraid to leave the apartment by myself. Today, I’m still jetlagged but making an effort to open myself to this experience. I’m uncomfortable doing so many new things at once and nervous about doing something wrong. I don’t like feeling lost or getting lost, but I still need to walk out my door.
Here’s to my first Singapore post and the first of many firsts. I promise to keep doing so I can keep posting.
#SingaporeMai Tiny Triumphs